Expectation. The Root of Heartache

Why do we have expectations? Do our expectations stop us from loving our spouse the way we should? Do we expect our loved ones to be a certain way and do certain things? Do we get upset and argue because expectations are not met?

One of my favorite quotes from William Shakespeare says ” Expectation is the root of all heartache.”  That quote can never be truer. What good have you seen comes from expecting things from your spouse?  Not only do expectations hurt your spouse but they hurt you just as much.


I read an article where the question was asked in a class about what is the biggest cause of the divorce in society today? Many of the students responded with answers like sex, money, affairs, or even drugs. After the students gave their answers to what they thought was the biggest reason why divorce happens. The professor, to everyone’s surprise, answered saying none of them were correct. All of those reasons were just symptoms of the real problem. The biggest cause of divorce is unmet expectations.

The further your expectations are from reality, the more frustrating it is to live with and the more confusing it can be for the spouse who doesn’t see your expectations and is left wondering why you feel dissatisfied and unhappy. Expectations can derail marriages and relationships.  Our beliefs are what lies beneath our expectations, and those expectations direct how we think about your partner and marriage, and it can affect how we treat them and how they treat us.

Overly high expectations can be hard to satisfy, and if we don’t adjust what we expect from our marriage to be more realistic, we run the risk of constantly being disappointed. If you expect your partner to be a certain way or your relationship should follow a certain path and it doesn’t, you get a false idea that your marriage isn’t what its “supposed to be” and your view on your spouse will start to change.

Think about it this way, how would you feel if you didn’t meet the expectations of your spouse? bad right? Makes you feel so inadequate and unworthy to be their spouse. You hurt inside because you assume they don’t love you as much as you thought they did.  That’s where you start to build walls against them so you don’t get hurt. Which in reality it will hurt you in the long run. Positive expectations lead to a more positive life and marriage.  If you choose to focus on the positive qualities in your loved ones, your negative expectations start to fade away and everyone wins. Positive expectations have important benefits such as

  • You find more joy in your spouse
  • You begin to be more flexible when it comes to your expectations
  • You start to become more positive with your family and marriage
  • You even feel better about your self
  • Its easier to communicate to your spouse
  • Your relationship with your spouse grows and the love is stronger

Positive expectations turn into more like goals. It is so important to communicate those goals so you both can help each other with them. I can’t express how important it is to keep positivity in your marriage. If the whole world did that, then the divorce rate would go way down! It shows our children a better example of how they should treat their loved ones. It makes you happy and happy to be alive and appreciate the little things your spouse does. There would be more love in this world! Before you do something, think about if it’s going to bring positivity or negativity in your life. That should help you decide whether or not it should be done. LOVE AND BE KIND. Then that love and kindness will come back to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s